“Shitty Candy”

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It seems that most ideas come to me when I’m supposed to be doing something else.

It happens in the shower quite a bit, where there is no way to write. Oh my god, YET!

(Note to self: learn to FIGHT! Oh, and buy a hammer and chisel for the tile or something.)

Most of the time I’ll totally space out at work like young Danny Torrance in The Shining. Remember? Those horrifying visions that would rattle his fragile little psyche? I get those too! Only I scribble them down!

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Boss (Snapping Fingers in Front of My Face): “Hey, rise and shine, moron! I found another one of your ridiculous drawings in the copier!”

Me: (Shit!)

Boss: “Make a managerial decision. What would you do if you found something like this?”

Me: “Well…I’ve got to tell you, I’d be very—hey, what in the hell is THAT?!

Boss: (Looking) “–WHAT?!”

Me: (Snatching paper, running away laughing)

And uh, THIS one came to me on the uh…on the toilet.

(Great, now you need another movie reference to keep pace with the above!)

Clarice: “Well, Frederiqua used to work for Mrs. Lipman – did you know her?”

Bill: “…no, uhn-uhn. Ohhhh, wait! Was she a great big fat person?

Clarice: “…she was a big girl, sir.”

(Non-existent audience: *Facepalm* )

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