‘Giant Bugs’ Exhibit ‘Absolutely Perfect for Scaring the Living Shit out of Children,’ says Museum Curator

bigbugs

“They’re dead, aren’t they, mommy?” Molly Hardwick, 4, cautiously asks.
“Molly-Ingrid, keep your voice down!” comes her mother’s hushed, stern reply. “They’re only sleeping, so you need to be quiet and well-behaved here!  Even the slightest annoyance might cause them to swarm, and I’d be powerless to stop them from carrying you underground to their nest!”

Halifax’s Museum of Natural History attracted a lot of attention recently when they unveiled their newest exhibit: a collection of highly detailed insect sculptures, each fifteen times their normal size.

“Whether you are a student of the sciences or simply someone who enjoys museums, these bugs are sure to fascinate,” said spokesman and head curator, Dr. Anthony Rosenberg.

“As an Entomologist, I’ll admit to being slightly biased,” said Dr. Rosenberg with a smile. “However, seeing the intricate detail and the natural symmetry of these normally small, and often overlooked creatures is something I think just about everyone can appreciate.”

“Though I must say,” Rosenberg added, “it was actually a happy accident of sorts when we discovered that these giant bugs also had the affect of scaring the fuck out of little kids. Scientifically-speaking, that’s a no-brainer; I’m quite used to them, but these things are the admittedly the stuff of nightmares!  That’s precisely why, in a more practical sense, I believe our new display can offer a great social benefit to parents.”

“Parenting is tough”

Dr. Rosenberg went on to explain that since he lost his wife in a traffic accident late last year, adjusting to life as a single father has been a trying experience.

“Look, parenting is tough,” said Rosenberg. “But Matthew, my boy? He was a handful even when Beth was alive. Now that I’m going it alone, it’s a whole new ballgame, and I can’t afford to lose even an inch of the kid’s respect, you know?

“Last week he introduced me to his kindergarten class on the day when the fathers go in to talk about what they do for a living as, ‘My Dad the Bug Nerd.’ After that little gem, I couldn’t even get the class under control again. They just laughed for ten minutes straight! It didn’t help that I went on after Zachary’s Dad, who’s a cop. The kids were spellbound when he related his triumphant story of gunning down a suspected gang member last week. Honestly, how do you follow that?”

Dr. Rosenberg explained that now that his son Matthew, 6, sleeps without a night light and no longer fears the monsters he once imagined kept watch over him from the bedroom closet, installing several of the enormous insect sculptures throughout his home has made arguments over finishing green vegetables, taking out the garbage, and putting down the X-Box controller a thing of the past.

“I just tell him that the ‘dormant’ bugs, who allegedly live in their millions in vast complex of tunnels under our house will awaken and devour all of his skin if he disobeys,” said Rosenberg.

“To you and I, that sounds absolutely absurd,” Rosenberg laughed.  “But to a five year-old?  It totally keeps him on his toes!”

Expect and Prepare for Doubtful Remarks
To parents who think this strategy might help them, Rosenberg suggests readying “backup fictions” in order to quickly do away with the protest they will inevitably face.  He offered the following advice:

“One day I was caught a little off guard when Matty defiantly said to me, ‘Daddy, I don’t think the bugs are real, because the only ones I’ve seen are your statues!’

“I was forced to think quickly.  ‘Of course you haven’t, Matty,’ I answered him. ‘They’re far too smart to let themselves be seen, and will either attack from behind, or in total darkness. That’s how they killed your Mommy. And you remember when we buried Mommy, don’t you? How bad that felt?’

“Yeah, that shut him up right quick.”

For more information on the Giant Bugs exhibit, please visit the Museum of Natural History’s website:  http://naturalhistory.novascotia.ca/

2 comments

  1. Ya got me!
    Was not sure where this was going, but goddam! Now I am laughing my ass off!

    “That’s how they killed your Mommy. And you remember when we buried Mommy, don’t you? How bad that felt?”

    There is a book that Michael Crichton started but did not finish before he cashed his chips: “MICRO” It was eventually finished by Richard Preston. Anyway, it goes into a lot of detail about ‘bugs’ Big Bugs!

    If you like that sort of thing, check it out.

    Cheers

    Like

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