Best Day of “Work” Yet!

Hello readers!

You may recall a post of mine from not too long ago where I showed you how I had “signed” the book that was making the rounds at the National Cemetery Management Committee’s offices, where I work.

If not,  here is the link:

 

This morning I arrived half an hour late, so I thought I was going to catch hell.

Surprisingly though, no one really noticed! Some people there have worked the “Graveyard Shift” for quite some time, and I guess things tend to fall by the wayside after a while. I was just happy things had started on a positive note. (And don’t worry, I’m an honest guy and brought it to their attention, taking half an hour of vacation so’s we were all square.)

I had forgotten that today was Barb’s last day of work, and I was reminded via email that at 11:30am we were all headed out to her retirement lunch!

Even shorter day! Bonus!

I had to leave my cube for a brief while, and when I returned I found a strange book on my desk!

“What the fuck is THIS?!” I bellowed loudly.

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“Oh!” I thought to myself. “Of course! The retirement book. Again, for some reason.”

I thought I was done with it, but the lady who was in charge of its completion then appeared out of the fog (I swear to god, the NCMC is spooky in every detail) and asked me if I’d mind filling in several of the pages the others had left blank.

Now, I’m sure you can imagine what I said to that!

“Janet,” I said to her, “do you think you could either email me these requests or, possibly, find some way to stop by that doesn’t seem as though you’ve materialized here in my cube directly from Hell itself?  Oh, and yes — of course I’ll draw some stuff.”

She had already taken it upon herself to ask the boss if I could engage in “play time.”

Fortunately, Mr. Hemlock said it was fine with him.

More accurately, he said: “The ground remains solid in this frigid land, ignorant of Spring, which is close at hand. The dead, it is said, are a patient lot, and will wait forlorn till we dig their plots.”

I know, right?! He’s even spookier than Janet!

So yeah, then I was like, “Gee, thanks Mr. Hemlock!”

…but I could only hear his laughter, as he had already vanished into thin air!

Anyways, I could only budget 45 minutes of time, but I did the best I could:

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(If I reference a song, you get the song – if only to you can hear the know the “score” in my head)

So then it was off to lunch, where I enjoyed a delicious mushroom-swiss double cheeseburger (I requested that bacon be added too), some fresh cut fries and a pint of Guinness.

Embarrassingly, when the waitress asked us what drinks we’d like to start with, Mr. Hemlock attempted to order a “chalice of blood” and acted offended when she said they didn’t have that there.

“I think you’re a lying Wench!” he screamed. Which was weird, because he was in such a good mood earlier, you know?

“Very well,” he said, not even trying to hide his impatience. “Simply bring me a glass of your finest wormwood Absinthe with all the accoutrements!”

The waitress then replied (and I quote), “I’m sorry, we don’t have that either. Would a Coors Light be okay?”

Anyhow, I’m pleased to report that Barb enjoyed all the drawings a great deal, and told me that she would “treasure it.”

That made me feel good.

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15 comments

  1. I hope you never get to doodle my retirement book (if I manage to get a job before 65) 😛 I mean…the cat ran over? The flower in pain? Poor, poor woman…

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    1. Two comments? Love it! Thank you.

      I hadn’t considered this either. She was laughing quite a bit when looking at the drawings (and largely ignoring the other entries) and even came over to me at the restaurant with several other people, insisting that I quit because my “talents lie elsewhere,” but…yeah, maybe she was internalizing some real hurt?

      Hmmmph. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m going to call her.

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      1. I’m thinking you are joking with me, because you have the “offensive” in your name blog… You are entitled to write whatever you want as I’m entitled to not read it. 🙂

        I am a big fan of comedy and I love funny, I love sarcasm, irony… I can joke around really “on spot” and don’t get offended just get the joke back, since I’m fast on thinking. But there is a thin but defined line between funny and not funny. For me, offending and judging people who did you nothing wrong goes into that category. That’s it.

        Best of luck! 🙂

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  2. This was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.. Your workplace sounds very entertainingly terrifying. And I’m glad your drawing skills are better than your handwriting 😛

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    1. One of the funniest things you’ve ever read?! Wow, thank you!

      That’s one of the best compliments I’ve ever read. 🙂

      …and yeah, the NCMC is terrifying. Do you know that “breakdown” bit in the “Thriller” video where it’s all bass line and the “Clip-Clop! Clip-Clop!” of their shoes on the pavement? And how they all suddenly turn all spooky-like to look at you?

      …it’s kind of like that.

      My co-workers like to dance a lot. (Shrug)

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        1. Heh heh.

          I’m all over the map when it comes to what I do (like that Bieber thing – I had THREE other possibilities planned before I turned a Facebook comment-turned-Twitter Comment of mine into that.)

          Oh, and visual aids help SO much:

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          1. Yeah I need to get into the visuals, I just steal all my images from google search. And I wish I knew what my next post was going to be about! Don’t know til I sit down to write it

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