Friday at the National Cemetery Management Council:

“TGIF,” right?

I’ve got to tell you, I didn’t feel like saying that this morning.

A number of days ago there was some accident or something where a family of 14 had their mega van go into a river. The Matriarch was the only survivor and her “special request” came across my desk.

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I mean, this kind of bullshit is more suited to a Monday, don’t you think?

Don’t get me wrong, I worked to make her clichéd little plan a reality, but sometimes I wonder if people even stop to consider what kind of a hassle it is to manage a mulit-plot layout of this size and complexity on such short notice? Canada is a big country, yes; but cemeteries have a finite amount of space, and we can’t just section off an eight of acre because some selfish bitch wants to “mastermind” a little arts and crafts project! There is zoning to consider, erosion, the cost of maintenance, damage from wildlife and punks on Halloween night, the natural ebb and flow of the topography, which, over time, can lead to possible—

—man, I’m really sorry guys. It’s Friday, and here I am taking the stresses of the job home with me. For what?!

Besides, I almost totally forgot that after I killed it on that little project,  something quite amazing happened.   A wolf appeared at my desk!

No, that’s not the amazing part.  Hemlock, my boss, has been known to shape-shift.  

It sounds ominous, I know…but when he starts taking other forms, it usually means he’s in a good mood, if that makes any sense.   He had a piece of paper in his mouth.   I took it and had a look.

“Good work!  Go draw!”

Awww yeeeeeahhhhh!   So I grabbed my whiteboard and as just as I turned around to thank Hemlock?   You guessed it.  Gone.  Just like when Commissioner Gordon checks his watch when he’s chatting with Batman on the rooftop or something.

First I drew Rick:

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Yeah, he was a little pissed.

Then I drew Robertson.  

Robertson has a pretty good sense of humour though, so I can get away with more:

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Oh, here’s an amusing story about Robertson:  he wears a lot of plaid shirts, this guy, and about two months ago I saw him wearing a very distinctive cap.  I couldn’t quite place it at first, but then I realized who he reminded me of: Ed Gein!   Naturally though, I realized right away that someone might take offense if I compared them to a notorious serial killer.  But mentioned it anyhow.

I’ll spare you the dialog because he didn’t know who the hell Ed Gein was.   You know, the homegrown midwestern lunatic?   Inspiration for PSYCHO?   I gave him the bullet points there and then.

“Oh, okay!”  he said to me. “I know that movie!  Well…if I’m this Ed Gein guy, you’re Ted Bundy!”

Now, I realize this post has been “a little Patrick Bateman” already, but…I kind of interpreted that as a compliment!   I mean, if someone were to compare you to a reputed madman, wouldn’t you prefer to be likened to a well-educated, good looking, capable fellow who outfoxed the authorities for years and years? (He allegedly did some “bad stuff” too, but…I don’t much about the guy, to be quite honest with you.)

What do you mean “that’s weird”?

This is weird:

Allison here?  She lost over 150 pounds in the past year or two and asked me to draw her.  So I ever-so-subtly implied that she had yet to reach her goal.   Heh heh.  I hope I didn’t mess with her fragile psyche by doing this.

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I was a little concerned I had when I showed her.

“Loooook-ee who it is!” I said, smiling proud.

Now, although they looked like tears of joy to me, it’s hard to “read tears,” you know?

So scrambled to make it all better:

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7 comments

  1. Of course they were tears of joy – Allison must have been so impressed you managed to capture her ideal self so life (eh… death) like. 😉

    Robertson rocks.

    Like

    1. Hey Cathy!

      Thanks for commenting!

      Yeah, since I made the comparison, Robertson has really embraced it and taken to wearing skin to work. If I worked somewhere other than THE spookiest place on earth, they probably wouldn’t allow that. :/

      Like

      1. And do you really work with body placing planning? If so, I think that’s a pretty cool job.

        I alwys wanted to be a funeral director (undertaker), never have though. *sigh* Although I have done just about everything else under the sun. 😀 Still, even to this day I’ve never given up on my dream, to the point I’ve never gotten a tattoo that cannot be easily hidden. I don’t mind tattoos, but I know some people still do, so as a funeral director it would more suitable if none were on show. Well, I ain’t dead yet, so there’s always tomorrow. 😀

        Like

  2. Oh you..

    I’ll just say this (while coincidentally listening to Monty Python, don’t ask, it’s somehow connected) like this.
    I personally would be able to work really well with you, I love the humor, I would laugh about any of those and I’d honestly enjoy it.
    But I’m also someone, scratch modesty, who’s pretty good at “reading” people and who tends to quiet down about their sensitive sides, etc.
    So I looked at these, especially Allison’s, and had to shake my head with a, I bet, pained look going “oh my god, really?” (except the polished one actually) but I still had to smile.

    Also, geez, is there any other way of contacting you, because I wait all bloody day for either your post or a comment/reply, but it normally comes late and then stops and GAH.

    Awesome drawings by the way 😉

    Like

    1. Milk-Manning,

      Thank you very much for your kind words. They truly mean a lot. 🙂

      As to you working at the NCMC? I would advise against it. That place will take your soul.

      (Not even joking – they have a machine. They keep it in the “Room of Souls,” as they call it.)

      I also appreciate that people now actually looks forward to what I post! If I had only ONE follower had done that at the beginning, it would have been a lot less arduous, let me tell you. If you’ve read the bio page, I said I’ve committed to “creating something from nothing every day,” and when you do that and don’t receive one like or one comment for…weeks? You wonder if anyone’s even out there.

      So yeah, now there’s you and 85 other followers at present, and if I’m not posting NOW, I feel like I’m letting myself down and some real people down. (I assume that the 86, unlike me, have souls? Let me know, guys!)

      Anyway, I have a full-time job, plus overtime, plus + plus, so if you ever comment, just know that I’ve seen it and DO appreciate it. A lot. But time does not always allow for an instant response. That reply will come, though. Promise. 😀

      And yeah, I listed an email on the about page too. Though I admit, I’ve yet to check it. I’m just assuming there’s nothing there! 😛

      Like

      1. Haha, I’ll keep it in mind 🙂

        And ey, I would never expect an instant response! That would be ridiculous! ^^

        I think I do still own a soul, by the way. Somewhere. I’ll check my drawers later.

        Also I am loving the bio-page motto, gotta remember that.

        Like

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