Commander Riker and the Holodeck

Hey, happy Sunday!

This is a rough of a comic that’s been stuck to my Idea Conceptualization Plank (ahem – cork board) beside my workspace here for…well, I think I dated it, didn’t I? Scratched this out in January, looks like. Anyway, here’s a glimpse into the process, I guess. Hope you’re not mad! (Oh, I eclipsed 100 followers just today! Amazing! If you’re reading this, please comment and say hello!)

So did anyone else watch Star Trek the Next Generation growing up?

I did.

It was on right before Star Search. Or was it after Star Search?

Anyway, it always baffled me, even at a very young age, how there were absolutely zero repercussions whenever this Riker pervert would head off to the Holodeck, where he always had some lurid sexual role-play at the ready, you know? Picard, the good captain that he was, largely stuck to the foggy streets of late 19th Century London, where he’d challenge himself to solving crimes as Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes. Now that’s a leader. Even in his downtime he was putting his big ol’ captain brain to work.

His second in command? Well, he basically just used the Holodeck to rape his fellow Star-Fleet crew officers. Diana Troy seemed to be in a large percentage of them, I recall, wearing next to nothing.

Nowadays you hear about people getting fired for stuff like posting pictures of themselves smoking a joint or doing keg stands at parties over the weekend, but can you imagine if this technology existed? And if it came to light that you were doing perverse things “to” your underlings? You’d be shit-canned so fast it’d make your head spin! But Riker? He was always above reproach, wasn’t he?

Riker: *Beep-beep!* “Computer! Cue up program…let’s see, what am I in the mood for tonight? How’s this? Surprise me! Here are just a few rough parameters, and I’ll let you take care of the rest: Hmmmmm. ‘Councillor Troy,’ ‘BDSM,’ ‘Anal,’ ‘Watersports,’ ‘Peanut Butter,’ annnnnnnd…four Labrador Retrievers. You know what, let’s not go crazy here. TWO Labrador Retrievers.”

Computer: “Your program is ready, Commander Riker.”

Riker: “Computer!”

Computer: “Yes, Commander Riker?”

Riker: “…four Labrador Retrievers.”

Computer: “Affirmative, sir.”


Oh, and this! This kind of proves my point, wouldn’t you say?

I’ll say this about, Riker though: he has a beard.

Oh, one more thing: would you look at that chick he turned down! What an IDIOT!


    1. I thought it was Mothers’ Day today!

      I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that to my Mom though, cause now she thinks I forgot.

      Not true. I didn’t know what day it was, but apparently I remembered a week early.

      If I forget next week though, I’ll be in trouble. 😛


  1. As a bit of a closet (ish) Star Trek fan, like many ‘Rikerisms’ this is too funny… Though if you haven’t seen it you should check out the Riker Sitting videos on Youtube…
    *Saying my requested Hi* 🙂


    1. I’ve never really been “a fan” of Star Trek…or Star Wars.

      But TGN was always on TV, and while I never made a point of watching, when I did see it on, I often wouldn’t change it.

      I’ll check out those videos you mentioned. After watching that clip I posted, it linked to one called “The Best of Riker” or something, and it was hilarious.

      Oh, and…Hi! 🙂


  2. Funny article.. your hulking hr guard should be a klingon.. Slap some wrinkled grooves on the forehead. I was a huge star trek next gen fan. I just started a blog. Come check it out. Not as funny and dark as you but who doesn’t like a cocktail?


    1. You’re right, he should’ve been a Klingon. Though because this was a rough, I’m going to assume I would’ve thought of that on my own had I decided to do a “final version.” Heh heh. (Naw, I probably wouldn’t have.)

      I will check out your blog. I love booze.


  3. Beards = Awesome, right?

    Also congratulations on 100 loyal (hah) people who (see my post to that) have bothered to click that follow button! 😀 Deserve ’em all and more.

    You’re sketching skills are spiffing, in case I haven’t told you. I always wanted to be able to draw comics..


  4. Momaste, you indicate on your blog that you find breastfeeding pleasurable and comforting. Well, this is your lucky day – I offer to comfort you all this “dark night”. How do you like THOSE apples?

    Seriously, contact me. At least send photos. I – need this.


  5. What a perfect world it could be with a holodeck! People could act out their fantasies, problems, fears, crimes or whatever with no consequences. Feel like killing someone, do it! Can’t get that new engineer that just came on board off your mind, act on it! Take your holobreak, get it out of your system and get back to work!

    Oh, look at the time, gotta run. I have a tee time with Miss Earth stardate 4.30295983 (whatever). We’re playing the toughest course on Jupiter 7. Got a hole in one every time last round! (If you know what I mean…) ((Ok, that was just weird.))


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